im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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