dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
ttyl tear gas
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
