summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
