Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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