if you like me you must not know who I am
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
