Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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