margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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