i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
