Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
