He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
zippers are such a cool invention
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
