You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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