I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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