it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
