Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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