I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
