PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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