I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
