Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
