yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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