The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
