I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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