with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
