he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
