dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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