We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
