Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
