I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
