the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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