I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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