my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
