biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
