Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
