Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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