Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am spending my child support on dildos
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No subtext here. People are naked.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
