Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
