just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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