wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My penis needs a shock collar
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
