She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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