I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
