Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
