My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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