and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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