I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
