i barfeds in our rink
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I cut my penus on the lid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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