Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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