If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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