Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
