I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
