need another drink. this is the easiest way
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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