I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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